On a Lighter Note
Oh my God, we're going to Puerto Galera this weekend! Eeek, ilang tulog na lang!
To take my mind off my dramatic blues, I've been trying to focus on events that are coming up these coming weeks.
First off, there's basketball practice tomorrow. Oooh, got to learn "da moves" again, as I got so lost and confused during our last game (which we lost, sadness!).
Then, on Wednesday, it's Darice's entrance exam to an all-girls' school in Katipunan (gosh, how hard is that to figure out? :P). I already filed for a leave of absence so I can accompany her -- we have to be there by 7:45 A.M. Nyarks. Ang aga!
Then it's Puerto Galera this weekend, woohoo! Already bought new stuff -- grabe, gusto ko ng mag-impake! Hahahha! Hubby won't be coming with me as he has work, and Darice will sleep over at my parents' house, and it's kinda giving me the heebee-jeebees right now. I hope wala syang gawing kalokohan, and that I just forget all about what happened the past few days, and just leave my paranoia and fear at home, and have a great time at Galera. I'm really looking forward to having a good time with people other than my husband (which I've been so desperate for, for the past couple of weeks, blech!).
Then the Friday after Galera, Drei and I will head over to SM North Edsa to watch UP Samaskom's Live Aids show! Two years ago, before he headed off to Baguio, and I to SZ, we watched Live Aids at the Music Museum and had a grand ole time. And look at us now, working at the same company, with more experience and angst and loneliness and stories than ever before! So looking forward to our "date", Drei! :D [Well, actually, a couple of officemates are going too, so what the heck, group date na lang hahahha!]
And the weekend after that would be my dear friend Trace's wedding!!! Aack, wala pa akong damit and gift! Which really are welcome distractions -- tons of hours can be spent scouring boutiques and gift shops for the perfect dress and wedding gift [Although hubby said maybe we could just recycle -- no way, jose!!!].
Just thinking about all these activities are making me giddy with excitement. Nawawala ng onti yung kaba at takot at lungkot. :) Sana maging okay na'ko -- sana mawala na yung maitim na ulap na nakabalot sakin.
I would love nothing else except for me to be happy. :D
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep
Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect
That song wrapped around my brain when I found out I was tagged by Gorgeous.
Mechanics:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
Okay, here goes mine.
---
Target: Male
Number 1: I'm getting this over and done with -- the "sex" part of my perfect lover. As my lover, we must have great chemistry in bed.
First, he has to be as adventurous as I am. I'm a very curious cat, and up for almost anything, and I don't want my guy cringing when he sees me holding an X-rated DVD, a belt, a scarf and handcuffs. And absolutely no qualms in spanking me ;) Second, it's not all about him. He knows what gives me pleasure, does it, and does it good! Third, he must be vocal. He demands what he wants, tells me what feels good, and lets me know what feels good with a very audible moan/groan. Lastly, he should know when and how to have the quickie, the angry-make-up sex, and sweet slow love-making. Mix it up, surprise me, make it a different experience every time. ;)
Number 2: Of course, for me, being lovers should not only be about sex-filled romps in every fine hotel or seedy motel in the city. We should also have great conversations about anything and everything under the sun.
No monosyllabic replies from my perfect lover -- he has an opinion on almost anything but he says it democratically, with no implications of "my brain is bigger than yours". He's an information sponge and contributes trivia and tidbits along with his witticisms. The best thing about this conversationalist? He lets me have my share of the mic, listens to me and respects my opinions.
Number 3: I want somebody I can drag to movie premiere, a music concert, a quiet read in a coffee shop, a buffet dinner in a fancy hotel, a backpacking trip all over Europe, or a night of dancing in a club. I want my lover to have the same interests as mine.
But the great thing about this is, we'll have different tastes. I can introduce him to the juvenile horrors of Christopher Pike, while he can tell me all about the wonders of Tom Clancy. I'll endure the action movies, while he sits through chick flicks. Our mp3 player will shuffle through teeny bopper songs, R&B acts, rock anthems, and jazz tunes. I'll let him experience the wonders of grilled oysters, kalderetang kambing and century eggs, while he'll introduce me to bulalo, pares and isaw. He'll accompany me in touring museums and old churches in the daylight, while I go with him in discovering the red light district at night. He'll have me dancing trance and house, while I'll have him grooving on R&B and hiphop.
Number 4: He must have a great sense of humor.
There will be toilet humer, corny humor, kiddie humor, adult humor and intelligent humor. There will be times I will cringe, and there will be times I will laugh my ass off. Most importantly, he knows when to make me laugh, and he will use it to his advantage. Right timing, accurate delivery and kick-ass wit -- he'll have me in stitches all the time.
Number 5: I'm still an old-fashioned girl, and I still believe in flowers, chocolates and love letters. So this perfect lover, he must make me swoon and sweep me off my feet.
But hey, I'm not talking about something "bonggacious" every single day. Just a little thoughtfulness and a bit of effort goes a long long way. A little note hidden in my bag, a few text messages with sweet nothings during the day, a random phone call -- it doesn't really take much to sweep me off my feet. Of course I would love to have the whole shebang of flowers and chocolates on very special occassions, but he'll do it because he wants to, not because he's being pressured by the Hallmark holiday. And the surprises! There will be surprises, for anniversaries and birthdays and holidays and wedding proposals (because he'll want to propose marriage to me again and again and again! haha), and for no reason at all. This perfect guy will unabashedly show his affection for me.
And one more thing, this perfect lover will not be selfish with his compliments. Even though I'm having the worst of my bad-hair days, looking bloated as hell, and wearing the rattiest "pambahay" ever, he'll look me in the eyes with all the love and affection and attraction he felt the first time he fell for me, and tell me I'm still the most beautiful girl for him.
[So sue me, I'm a sucker for cheese :P]
Number 6: This may sound like some high-brow New Age shit, but I want my perfect lover to have a spiritual life, rather than just a religious culture.
He should believe in a Higher Power who connects each and everyone of our Souls here in the Universe. Also in karma, in cause and effect, of eventually getting back what you've given to the Universe. And in prayer, of hoping and believing and putting out these thoughts into the world, a fervent wish that the Universe will respond in kind. And in duality -- where there is good, there is evil, where there is happiness, there is sadness, where there is peace, there is war -- and that these dual concepts cannot exist without the other, and cannot be appreciated without the other. And so, with these beliefs, he leads a life of compassion, hope and trust, not because it was dictated by a holy book or by a holy man.
Number 7: Dorothy says in the movie Jerry Maguire: "I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is." Yes, I would love someone who is almost a man, and consciously trying to be one.
This perfect lover tries to be responsible and knows his priorities. He's done with childish pursuits and frivolous relationships. He sacrifices his wants and needs for the greater good. He knows how to be socially accepted without compromising his values. He stands firm in his principles and beliefs. He knows how to apologize and admit his mistakes and promises to do better. And he doesn't break his promises.
Number 8: My perfect lover, he may commit mistakes or may not know what he's doing, but his heart is in the right place. There's no other way I can describe it: deep down inside, he's essentially a good person.
What does this mean? Well, he may be "maloko" or "makulit" but his humor does not have a mean streak -- he's being funny for the sake of being funny, not to hurt other people's feelings. He has this genuine concern for others, and not just for "pakitang tao". He may make naughty jokes, but you know he acts properly in front of other women. And, they say you should look at how a guy treats his mom or sister to see how he'll treat you as his girlfriend/wife. So, eventhough he may have disagreements or arguments with his mom, or he doesn't really get along with his sister/s, but he respects and loves them in his own special way. That's my good guy.
---
Gosh, I think I'm the only one who answered this with a really long blog post. I've been at this for almost a month already ata.
Doing this meme had me comparing these qualities with those of my husband. And it was a difficult realization -- I just compromised too much. Although he did have some of the qualities mentioned above, he stopped being that man I fell in love with almost 8 years ago! Did he deceive me into thinking that he had those qualities? Am I not seeing those qualities anymore because he's too busy being a father, or because of his night-shift job, or because I'm not worth it anymore?
Oooooooookay, enough analyzing hehe.
I'm tagging the boys: andrei, ramil (nyahahahahah), tonton (weheheh), sherbee, carlo, eugene, michael and paul. I know some of you boys might have a hard time answering this (some of you are real geeks and love being geeks! hahaha) but hey, have fun with this one ;)
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep
Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect
That song wrapped around my brain when I found out I was tagged by Gorgeous.
Mechanics:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
Okay, here goes mine.
---
Target: Male
Number 1: I'm getting this over and done with -- the "sex" part of my perfect lover. As my lover, we must have great chemistry in bed.
First, he has to be as adventurous as I am. I'm a very curious cat, and up for almost anything, and I don't want my guy cringing when he sees me holding an X-rated DVD, a belt, a scarf and handcuffs. And absolutely no qualms in spanking me ;) Second, it's not all about him. He knows what gives me pleasure, does it, and does it good! Third, he must be vocal. He demands what he wants, tells me what feels good, and lets me know what feels good with a very audible moan/groan. Lastly, he should know when and how to have the quickie, the angry-make-up sex, and sweet slow love-making. Mix it up, surprise me, make it a different experience every time. ;)
Number 2: Of course, for me, being lovers should not only be about sex-filled romps in every fine hotel or seedy motel in the city. We should also have great conversations about anything and everything under the sun.
No monosyllabic replies from my perfect lover -- he has an opinion on almost anything but he says it democratically, with no implications of "my brain is bigger than yours". He's an information sponge and contributes trivia and tidbits along with his witticisms. The best thing about this conversationalist? He lets me have my share of the mic, listens to me and respects my opinions.
Number 3: I want somebody I can drag to movie premiere, a music concert, a quiet read in a coffee shop, a buffet dinner in a fancy hotel, a backpacking trip all over Europe, or a night of dancing in a club. I want my lover to have the same interests as mine.
But the great thing about this is, we'll have different tastes. I can introduce him to the juvenile horrors of Christopher Pike, while he can tell me all about the wonders of Tom Clancy. I'll endure the action movies, while he sits through chick flicks. Our mp3 player will shuffle through teeny bopper songs, R&B acts, rock anthems, and jazz tunes. I'll let him experience the wonders of grilled oysters, kalderetang kambing and century eggs, while he'll introduce me to bulalo, pares and isaw. He'll accompany me in touring museums and old churches in the daylight, while I go with him in discovering the red light district at night. He'll have me dancing trance and house, while I'll have him grooving on R&B and hiphop.
Number 4: He must have a great sense of humor.
There will be toilet humer, corny humor, kiddie humor, adult humor and intelligent humor. There will be times I will cringe, and there will be times I will laugh my ass off. Most importantly, he knows when to make me laugh, and he will use it to his advantage. Right timing, accurate delivery and kick-ass wit -- he'll have me in stitches all the time.
Number 5: I'm still an old-fashioned girl, and I still believe in flowers, chocolates and love letters. So this perfect lover, he must make me swoon and sweep me off my feet.
But hey, I'm not talking about something "bonggacious" every single day. Just a little thoughtfulness and a bit of effort goes a long long way. A little note hidden in my bag, a few text messages with sweet nothings during the day, a random phone call -- it doesn't really take much to sweep me off my feet. Of course I would love to have the whole shebang of flowers and chocolates on very special occassions, but he'll do it because he wants to, not because he's being pressured by the Hallmark holiday. And the surprises! There will be surprises, for anniversaries and birthdays and holidays and wedding proposals (because he'll want to propose marriage to me again and again and again! haha), and for no reason at all. This perfect guy will unabashedly show his affection for me.
And one more thing, this perfect lover will not be selfish with his compliments. Even though I'm having the worst of my bad-hair days, looking bloated as hell, and wearing the rattiest "pambahay" ever, he'll look me in the eyes with all the love and affection and attraction he felt the first time he fell for me, and tell me I'm still the most beautiful girl for him.
[So sue me, I'm a sucker for cheese :P]
Number 6: This may sound like some high-brow New Age shit, but I want my perfect lover to have a spiritual life, rather than just a religious culture.
He should believe in a Higher Power who connects each and everyone of our Souls here in the Universe. Also in karma, in cause and effect, of eventually getting back what you've given to the Universe. And in prayer, of hoping and believing and putting out these thoughts into the world, a fervent wish that the Universe will respond in kind. And in duality -- where there is good, there is evil, where there is happiness, there is sadness, where there is peace, there is war -- and that these dual concepts cannot exist without the other, and cannot be appreciated without the other. And so, with these beliefs, he leads a life of compassion, hope and trust, not because it was dictated by a holy book or by a holy man.
Number 7: Dorothy says in the movie Jerry Maguire: "I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is." Yes, I would love someone who is almost a man, and consciously trying to be one.
This perfect lover tries to be responsible and knows his priorities. He's done with childish pursuits and frivolous relationships. He sacrifices his wants and needs for the greater good. He knows how to be socially accepted without compromising his values. He stands firm in his principles and beliefs. He knows how to apologize and admit his mistakes and promises to do better. And he doesn't break his promises.
Number 8: My perfect lover, he may commit mistakes or may not know what he's doing, but his heart is in the right place. There's no other way I can describe it: deep down inside, he's essentially a good person.
What does this mean? Well, he may be "maloko" or "makulit" but his humor does not have a mean streak -- he's being funny for the sake of being funny, not to hurt other people's feelings. He has this genuine concern for others, and not just for "pakitang tao". He may make naughty jokes, but you know he acts properly in front of other women. And, they say you should look at how a guy treats his mom or sister to see how he'll treat you as his girlfriend/wife. So, eventhough he may have disagreements or arguments with his mom, or he doesn't really get along with his sister/s, but he respects and loves them in his own special way. That's my good guy.
---
Gosh, I think I'm the only one who answered this with a really long blog post. I've been at this for almost a month already ata.
Doing this meme had me comparing these qualities with those of my husband. And it was a difficult realization -- I just compromised too much. Although he did have some of the qualities mentioned above, he stopped being that man I fell in love with almost 8 years ago! Did he deceive me into thinking that he had those qualities? Am I not seeing those qualities anymore because he's too busy being a father, or because of his night-shift job, or because I'm not worth it anymore?
Oooooooookay, enough analyzing hehe.
I'm tagging the boys: andrei, ramil (nyahahahahah), tonton (weheheh), sherbee, carlo, eugene, michael and paul. I know some of you boys might have a hard time answering this (some of you are real geeks and love being geeks! hahaha) but hey, have fun with this one ;)
I Give Up
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
(and I will give up this fight)
...
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
---
It's unfair to ask of you not to give up on me, while here I am with one foot out the door.
I'm tired, I'm pissed off, I'm hurt. Terribly, terribly hurt.
I'm inclined to say that everything's changed... but now that I think about it, nothing's changed.
Nothing has changed.
They always win, while I always lose.
Why do I always lose? [Fuck it, I don't want to sound whiny.]
I just want to push you away from me. No, make that I want to pull myself away from you.
And so that I will not lose to them again. Because there will be no more choice to be made.
Because I will pull myself away from you. And you will just have them. Only them.
Because... I will give up this fight.
I just can't make you love me.
---
Before you draw any conclusions... I'm just having the worst case of the blues. So the drama, really.
Generally I'm okay but I will be seen frequently with my head up in smoke, a lit cigarette dangling from one hand, and the other holding a scalding cup of coffee. I am now averaging half a pack a day, with three cups of coffee.
It's just so the drama.
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
(and I will give up this fight)
...
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
---
It's unfair to ask of you not to give up on me, while here I am with one foot out the door.
I'm tired, I'm pissed off, I'm hurt. Terribly, terribly hurt.
I'm inclined to say that everything's changed... but now that I think about it, nothing's changed.
Nothing has changed.
They always win, while I always lose.
Why do I always lose? [Fuck it, I don't want to sound whiny.]
I just want to push you away from me. No, make that I want to pull myself away from you.
And so that I will not lose to them again. Because there will be no more choice to be made.
Because I will pull myself away from you. And you will just have them. Only them.
Because... I will give up this fight.
I just can't make you love me.
---
Before you draw any conclusions... I'm just having the worst case of the blues. So the drama, really.
Generally I'm okay but I will be seen frequently with my head up in smoke, a lit cigarette dangling from one hand, and the other holding a scalding cup of coffee. I am now averaging half a pack a day, with three cups of coffee.
It's just so the drama.
Bah humbug
Boo.
Down with Vday.
Aww fuckit.
[And I am one of the fortunate ones with a significant other.]
Down with Vday.
Aww fuckit.
[And I am one of the fortunate ones with a significant other.]
Did You Hear that...
... out-of-breath, wheezing sound?
That was my mind running around in circles.
... painful shattering sound?
That was my heart breaking into pieces.
... desperate scratching sound?
That was me scraping the bottom of the barrel.
That was my mind running around in circles.
... painful shattering sound?
That was my heart breaking into pieces.
... desperate scratching sound?
That was me scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Three B's
Birthday
Birthday Surprise from MMS | The Family Table | Birthday Gifts
Had a great breakfast c/o my batchmates -- I arrived at the office with a Venti Coffee Jelly and Oreo cheesecake waiting at my table!
And, and, and my MMS-mates suprised me with a birthday cake! Kala ko hindi nako bibigyan eh, kasi past 4pm na. Na-late lang pala yung delivery hehe.
Then had a fulfilling dinner at my parents' house: pasta, friend chicken, liempo, adobong pusit, hipon, and puchero. Darice enjoyed not the food, but the company of her two favorite Tita's -- my little cousins Micah and Toni.
Nga pala, batchmates not only gave me food, but also Gwen Stefani's CD. And the MMS-mates gave me naman Alicia Keys' Unplugged CD. And I also got purple Adiddas socks (pang bball daw hehe)!
All in all, it was a great day :) [Unless I count Dar's gift of sama ng loob :P] Thanks to all those who remembered and texted me, or emailed me or left a message here sa blog ko. Thank you thank you thank you :D
Basketball
Prayer | The Basketbelles
Woohoo! We won our first game!
And guess what, I got to shoot a basket!!! Yey me!
Although I was feeling a bit heavy after my birthday (physically because of all the food, and emotionally because of Dar), I psyched myself up because this was the first time I'll be playing basketball competitively. And I've only played/practised twice before that. So I was trying to convince myself that I will NOT make a fool of myself out in the court. I really prayed and hoped and wished that I do NOT make a fool of myself.
And would you believe it, I didn't! Well, I only had a few minutes of play so there was really no time to show my basketball stupidity haha. And I even contributed 2 points!!! That's like almost 10% of our final score -- kasi 25 points kami eh haha.
Ang galing galing ng team mates ko!!! Congrats to MJ, Lory, Abi, Erl and Joy :) Sana sa next game natin, for fun pa rin ang laban ha :D
Bunot
The Tooth That Gave Me Hell
Finally, the tooth with the cavernous hole is no more.
It took the dentist around 30-45 minutes to extract that tooth. It was diagonally impacted, with a cavernous hole to boot. I think I had around 6-8 shots because while she was twisting the tooth to loosen it, I felt a shooting pain from my jaw. And she did a lot of pushing and twisting and pulling just to get that damn tooth. And I was clutching the arms of the chair and curling my toes because I was anticipating the pain -- but thank God it was not that painful!
Nga pala, while the dentist was injecting the anesthesia, I had my eyes closed -- di ko kayang tignan eh!
And I really had to bring home the tooth so I could take a picture and blog about it. Haha.
Salamat, no more toothaches for a while. Just gum-aches -- I still feel something gnawing from where the tooth came from.
Birthday Surprise from MMS | The Family Table | Birthday Gifts
Had a great breakfast c/o my batchmates -- I arrived at the office with a Venti Coffee Jelly and Oreo cheesecake waiting at my table!
And, and, and my MMS-mates suprised me with a birthday cake! Kala ko hindi nako bibigyan eh, kasi past 4pm na. Na-late lang pala yung delivery hehe.
Then had a fulfilling dinner at my parents' house: pasta, friend chicken, liempo, adobong pusit, hipon, and puchero. Darice enjoyed not the food, but the company of her two favorite Tita's -- my little cousins Micah and Toni.
Nga pala, batchmates not only gave me food, but also Gwen Stefani's CD. And the MMS-mates gave me naman Alicia Keys' Unplugged CD. And I also got purple Adiddas socks (pang bball daw hehe)!
All in all, it was a great day :) [Unless I count Dar's gift of sama ng loob :P] Thanks to all those who remembered and texted me, or emailed me or left a message here sa blog ko. Thank you thank you thank you :D
Basketball
Prayer | The Basketbelles
Woohoo! We won our first game!
And guess what, I got to shoot a basket!!! Yey me!
Although I was feeling a bit heavy after my birthday (physically because of all the food, and emotionally because of Dar), I psyched myself up because this was the first time I'll be playing basketball competitively. And I've only played/practised twice before that. So I was trying to convince myself that I will NOT make a fool of myself out in the court. I really prayed and hoped and wished that I do NOT make a fool of myself.
And would you believe it, I didn't! Well, I only had a few minutes of play so there was really no time to show my basketball stupidity haha. And I even contributed 2 points!!! That's like almost 10% of our final score -- kasi 25 points kami eh haha.
Ang galing galing ng team mates ko!!! Congrats to MJ, Lory, Abi, Erl and Joy :) Sana sa next game natin, for fun pa rin ang laban ha :D
Bunot
The Tooth That Gave Me Hell
Finally, the tooth with the cavernous hole is no more.
It took the dentist around 30-45 minutes to extract that tooth. It was diagonally impacted, with a cavernous hole to boot. I think I had around 6-8 shots because while she was twisting the tooth to loosen it, I felt a shooting pain from my jaw. And she did a lot of pushing and twisting and pulling just to get that damn tooth. And I was clutching the arms of the chair and curling my toes because I was anticipating the pain -- but thank God it was not that painful!
Nga pala, while the dentist was injecting the anesthesia, I had my eyes closed -- di ko kayang tignan eh!
And I really had to bring home the tooth so I could take a picture and blog about it. Haha.
Salamat, no more toothaches for a while. Just gum-aches -- I still feel something gnawing from where the tooth came from.
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