Yosi: I had 6 sa Figaro.
Kape: Yung sa Figaro pa rin.
Blech
That's how I feel right now.
My mouth tastes like cigarettes pa rin. Kahit na kumain na ako ng dinner (relleno) and salad and a bar of chocolate [Blech. I'm such a pig!] And I brushed my teeth pa! Tas my hand smells like cigarettes pa rin kahit na binuhos ko na ata yung Gap Dreams sa kamay ko!
I feel so freaking guilty breaking my promise to Dar. Pero I feel so darn angry naman at myself for feeling guilty! Blech.
Bakit kelangang ma-guilty? Eh siya nga, sangkatutak na promises na ang na-break, di pa rin na-gui-guilty.
*twaktwaktwak* Bad, bad, bad thoughts!
Like right now, wala pa siya sa bahay. He promised me na kahit na yung shop niya nasa Manila na, minsan-minsan lang siya pupunta don. Tas ano na ang nangyayari ngayon? Two weeks ago, and last week andon na siya. Tas ngayon na naman andon siya. Tapos uuwi ng 12 to 1 am kasi daw traffic daw pag umuuwi siya ng mga dinner time. Ang sarap-sarap-sarap sumbatan ng mga rason na ganyan pakingshet. Bakasyon rin naman daw kasi ngayon. Okay fine, dyan ka na lang sa shop mo, isaksak mo sa baga mo yang Ragnarok mo, bwiset!
O diba galit ako? Pero kani-kanina lang, nag-text ako sa kanya ng *hug*. Ano ba 'to?!? Do I have multiple personalities or something? Aargh. No, mali, blech pala.
Masama ba ako na I can't seem to accept all of him, na lagi na lang ako nag-rereklamo, na feeling ko wala siyang effort tas baka meron naman talaga and I'm just too blind and stupid na hindi ko makita?
Or am I still too much of a martyr for letting him get away with it, and control my life?
*sigh* Or maybe I just want him to let me smoke without any darn issues.
I just want to write something that he did that made me happy. Kahit isang kuwento lang. Kahit isang gushy blog entry lang sana, where I can write na there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me.
*sigh*
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