It's the end of the world as we know it...

And I feel fine :)

I don't really make New Year's resolutions, and I don't intend to start this year.

But I do have hopes and plans and expectations for this new year, so here goes:

A true-blue love like affair.  

I mean come on. I was with a guy for 7 years (erm, hello, even MARRIED him) who I thought had the same deep and intense feelings for me as I had for him (erm, hello, that's why I MARRIED him) but was just emotionally maturing at a snail's pace (erm, hello, that's why I was able to STAY MARRIED to him).  And then, to my complete and utter surprise, he didn't really love me -- haha, no, not really, it wasn't a surprise :)) Deep in my heart of hearts, locked away in one of the muscles that make up the aorta (random heart muscle FTW), I felt it has always been a one-sided love affair.  It's just that all the other heart muscles conspired with my brain gray matter to keep the illusion of "unconditional love" and "marriage life" and "faith".

Fast forward to three years later, and I now have one-sided LIKE affairs. You know, just to make life interesting, to give me random *squee* and *colon capital D* and *hnnnng*.  But these boys -- they get girlfriends later on, or I realize they're married (LOL, I know that from the start naman), and I'm stuck in my daydream where every little thing he does is magic.  You know, when every harmless text or email or smile makes your heart aflutter, and you can't help that eye twinkle or small smile.  BUT THEN, IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING IN REAL LIFE.

Can I just receive something from a man that will mean something that is not contrived with extensive analysis or exaggerated interpretations? That whatever it is he does, if ever it is a text, an email, a smile, a wave, an invitation to yosi or drink coffee, it will mean SOMETHING, absolutely and irrevocably, and not just in my dreams. 

(I do hope that SOMETHING is that he likes me, but I'll settle with him being mildly amused by me LOL)

Comfort zone exploration.

As Ramon Bautista said, Maging in the zone sa labas ng comfort zone 2012.

What is outside my comfort zone?

1) Public speaking. I think people who've had the (dis)honor of hearing me talk on stage (or in front of the training room) could've made a drinking game out of all the "um's" I've said and they'll be drunk before my talk is halfway over. Action plan: confidence, confidence, confidence. And of course, know thy subject matter.

2) Small talk. The awkward turtle makes a constant appearance whenever I attempt to make small talk. It's because I usually just nod and smile blankly even though I don't understand what the other person is saying. Action plan: listen, listen and listen. And of course, be genuinely interested.

3) New friends. I suck at making new friends because of #1 and #2 above, plus the fact that I tend to be clique-ish, and just be in my own small social circle. I also tend to think that people naturally do not like me because a) I am awkward and b) I am weird, and so I tend to keep my distance. I only have a ready smile for those who have a ready smile for me. Action plan: smile, smile and smile. And of course, to open my heart.

(Cue Madonna's "Open your heart to me baby... I hold the lock and you hold the key")

Proper money management.

Let's just say I haven't recovered from expenses in 2009 (moving out/in expenses, Ondoy), and 2010 (US trip) when 2011 expenses rolled in. Europe, group buying deals, project lunches, clothes and shoes shopping -- I wasn't really stingy with myself even though I knew I was still trying to pay off debts from the previous years.

Good thing before 2011 ended, I was able to take stock of my financial situation. I realized that I was, simply, in deep shit. And so, 2012 came with me loaning money from my parents, and trying to pay off four credit cards.

And so it's time for me to lay off the cabs. Bring baon and eat it. Take the shuttle if I can. No more sales or group coupon sites. Be less "generous", that is, stop treating people to lunch or dinner LOL. Use wifi when I can, and no more 3g surfing.

Basically, it's time for me to use cash, buy only what I can afford and be content with what I have.

(Repeat the last line ten thousand times; twice that during a midnight madness sale)

Creative organization.

(Or alternatively, organized creation?)

I have a LOT of stuff.

My shelf is brimming with books, my cabinets are overflowing with clothes that I do not wear anymore, and my drawers are full of knick-knacks I no longer use. Add to that all the unfinished DIY projects, all the materials for DIY projects I haven't even started, and finished DIY projects that are just wasting away in different parts of the house. PLUS, all the stuff I hoard -- paper and plastic bags, old folders, art-and-craft materials, receipts, etc etc etc.

Mind you, I have made many attempts in the past to FINALLY organize my stuff, but after a few months, I get bored with the new arrangement, and so I re-organize and re-arrange everything, and then after a few more months... well you're smart, you know what happens next.

Just before the year ended, I've finally thought of an organizational scheme that I hope *cross fingers* will last throughout the year. It involves editing my hoard -- to just keep what I need in the place where I'll be needing it. I'm hoping that this scheme will enable me to a) get more sleep (as the bedroom will only be for sleeping), b) save electricity (because all other activities will be done in a non-airconditioned room), c) display my art (if I can't show it off, I'll chuck it out) and d) start, continue and finish my DIY projects (because they will be done OUTSIDE my bedroom).

And, yey, first free weekend of the year! I'm starting today!

(Well, I'll start in a couple of hours, after I finish this blog post)


As I said earlier, I do not make resolutions. For me, resolutions are like lofty dreams that you wish will come true. What I have above are not resolutions.  They're more of THINGS I AM GOING TO HAVE THIS YEAR because current circumstances and the present situation calls for them already. And there is no backing out, or quitting, or giving up. There is no if or when. Chickening out is not an option.


Let's do this, 2012.

Source, source, source, source and source


  1. shelley! happy new year! and goodluck in the year of the armageddon! :D

  2. neil! happy new year too! :D