psst... yosi tayo

i am a selfish bitch!


okay i admit it! ayokong i-share yung pera ko! i already gave 5000 to him, gave another 2000 for groceries, and another 2000 to pay to dwin! do i fucking get money from him when he has money? fucking no! his money is for HIM, and my money is still supposed to be for HIM! aargh!!!


i want my own place!

ayoko na dito sa bahay na'to! i'm always on my guard. i have no free space of my own. i have to contend with freaky gossipy hypocrites. everybody talks in a fucking loud voice! di ko madisiplina ng maayos si darice. nagiging iyakin na siya kasi walang ginawa mga tao dito kundi asarin siya. nakikialam sila sa mga dapat di pakialamanan, pero N.R. naman sila sa mga importanteng bagay! walang stability... bigla na lang mapuputulan ng ilaw, walang ulam, walang kape, lahat inuutang na lang... ayoko, ayoko, ayoko na dito!!!

worst thing is, i can't even show my true feelings around here... i always have to be my agreeable and temper-free self! kaya nagkaka-bouts of rage ako eh... di ko kasi nailalabas sa tamang oras. aargh! nagiging katulad na nila ako!


i am a big fat whale!

gusto ko na talagang pumayat! wala ng nagkasyang pantalon sakin. everything DOESN'T fit me anymore!


i wanna go out and smoke a pack of yosi!

... and drink lots of beer! and just get stinking drunk!

if i can just be MYSELF for one stinking day... and not be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister-in-law, a daughter-in-law... yun bang wala akong iniisip... just sipping coffee [or tungga-ing some beer] and having no preoccupations at all. gusto kong mapag-isa!


as a result of all these rantings...

...i'm taking it out on dar. gawd, i'm so freaking messed up. siya lang kasi ang lahat-lahat ko ngayon eh. i don't get to see my friends anymore... one bailed out on us, two went off to places far and unknown, and one is a working girl. my family's not with me. he's the only one i've got, pero it's as if he doesn't have a freaking idea na i need him so much!.

pero, the insanest thing is, ayoko nitong feeling na kailangan ko siya eh. he's always disappointed me. kaya ayoko na talagang gustuhin siya. my passion is wasted on him.


somebody save me!

please. i am so fucking messed up. it's like my brain is making up so many messed up thoughts... and sometimes, i don't have a fucking idea what the hell is going on! my paranoia is eating me alive... gawd, just make it eat my fats!