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Tugtog: Hoobastank - The Reason

In Turmoil

I just sent a text message. Called him up a few hours ago. And I'm itching to call him up again.

This is pathetic.

I'm so clingy - blech *shudder*

What does he do to keep in touch?

He sends a text message - in reply to mine. (I consider myself lucky if he does reply.)

He'd talk to me on the phone for a few minutes, exchanging pleasantries, then he'd ask for Darice. If Darice is sleeping, he'll just call back. (I'm just the person with the phone who can get him to talk to Darice.)

Sometimes, I forget my place. God, how could I forget? I'm so full of myself, to actually think that he would want to talk to me. That he would miss ME. That he'd be thinking about ME. That he would feel incomplete without ME... I'm at the bottom of the food chain, goddamit, so why should I expect him to feel the same way I feel about him?

So I try to hold back.

Make myself busy. Smoke a lot, drink lots of coffee, read my ebooks. Good thing I was given some work to do in the office.

Don't call. Don't text. Don't even think about him.

But being the pessimist that I am, I kept thinking, What if something happens to him? Will I be able to forgive myself that I had every chance to talk to him, tell him how I feel, but then, since I was such a stupid paranoid mess, I wouldn't, and so he'd die, and I'd be left alone with my enormous regret?

Morbid thoughts *shudder* Fueled by thousands of tragic movies and novels I've read throughout the years. Holding back always means someone loses the chance to be with the one they loved.

And so I get my phone.

It sickens me a bit. Wait for him to call, or to send you a message. Wait for him to tell you that he misses you. Just let him be the one to do it...

I might wait for nothing.

"Hi, baby..."

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