... and Jill came tumbling after

Worrying about my husband's CHARMING ways wasn't enough for me this week.

[Gets nyo yung CHARMING? Kung hindi, oks lang, if oo, HA!]

I had to be miserable about my hobbies and work skills, too :((((((

Oh yes, I have dugged up my hole again.

It all started with an email wherein I realized that my Java programming skills were not at par with a committee I was invited to join about a month ago.

J2EE skills based on assessment test: BASIC.

The committee: Java faculty.

[Ton! Dodger! Gulat kayo? :P Whehehehe]

Me: so screwed.

And then I took the J2SE assessment test. I am not exaggerating when I say that I think I scored a big fat BOPOLS on that test.

Me: so effing screwed.

That's when I realized, I am such a jack jill of all trades, yet really, a master of no trade at all.

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I know all these programming languages, from C to Assembly which we used in college, then from Natural, JCL and Cobol to PB, HTML and Java which we're using right now at work, yet am I really *GOOD* at any of those?

I mean, yes, give me a code in any of those languages, and I think I can figure out what the code will do.

But am I really an expert in any one of those languages?

A big fucking N-O.

And then there's the system we're maintaining for the project. I could say I am one of those lucky people who have dabbled in ALL of the modules of the system, that's why I'm using/have used all those programming languages.

Yet, can I say I am an expert of the modules that my team is handling right now?

Well, honestly, not really, not yet.

And then there are all these hobbies of mine: photography, photoshop-ing, craft-ing and writing.

Have I churned out a really *WOW* picture recently? Do I really understand aperture, lighting, shutter speed, focus, ISO, etc etc etc? I mean, do I *really* know how to use my S3?!?

How about done anything in Photoshop beyond resize and crop? Do I know how to make vectors [tama ba term ko?]? Make my own shapes? Or designs? Or rounded corners?!? Am I ever going to finish the wedding album of my parents that I've been doing for a year already?!?

Any decent craft project lately? Are those beads I bought from Divi last year ever going to be used? Am I ever going to use those old shirts and jeans I stored for reconstructed-clothes projects? Am I destined to buy funky accessories and clothes instead of making them?!?

How about a blog post worthy of a Pulitzer prize? Hehe, joke, exag naman. But, yes, am I really a writer or just a blogger? Do I describe the experience perfectly? Am I using the right words? Am I just churning out posts with no sense at all? And, most importantly, does I has good grammar?!?

[Okay, really the last one about being a blogger/writer is not that big of a deal. Hehehe. Because I still use a lot of "hehehehe" in my blog posts, and I'm fine with that. Hehehhe.]

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It's like I have all these so-called talents and skills, and I'm good at them at the fairly same level.

A very very low level, that is.

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I don't really want to be an expert at ALL of them, you know.

I just want to be really, really, really good in at least one.

I need to fight off the laziness and really focus on seriously studying the programming language of my choice, the module that will be my legacy (ha!), and the hobby that will make money for me (double ha!).

Me: hoping not to be that effing screwed.

;)

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P.S. So, I was really feeling down and all already, diba? I got home, and what news does my MIL bring?

"Andaming kuto ni Darice! Nakakuha kami ng trenta kanina!"

Yes, I think that was my breaking point which finally convinced me to dig up my hole again

:P

2 comments

  1. I sometimes feel the same way, kasi kapag naisip ko na pag-aralan ang isang bagay, i can really teach myself. i learn better just by reading. kaya lang mabilis din ako ma-bore so i abandon the project before i become an expert on it. dibale, i'm sure you'll catch up with the things you need to know sa work. :)

    i tagged you, by the way: http://nonstandardized.com/lifelog/?p=1433

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  2. ayun, minsan nga, i get bored agad.

    thanks for the tag :D sakto, i have two planners for 2008 :)

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