Chubby ka, chubby ka!

A warning to those who are eating or with child or heart ailments, as this post will go down as the dirtiest post I will ever write.

There are pictures involved, people! Pictures!!!!

So as PerezHilton would say, "if you are easily offended... then do not click here!"

I guess this whole debacle started when some girl, who has the same last 7 numbers as my cellphone number started texting me. I had my number saved under the name "Ako" (I know, creative noh? Weheheh), and it was weird to see that "Ako" was mis-calling and texting me.

[We all know the reason for this right? Only the last 7 numbers are "recognized" therefore, if you have 0918-1111111 saved as "One" in your contacts, then when 0928-1111111 calls you (and he's not in your phonebook), then "One" will also appear as the one calling you.]

At that time, the text brigade was just dying down, so wala lang, I told the girl-with-the-same-number to just text me at T's number. Mukhang mahilig naman si T sa mga text mates eh :P

And so, last Tuesday night:

Being happy doesn't mean everything's okay, it only means you've decided to see things beyond life's imperfections! Whatever happens stay happy and enjoy what life brings!




Wrong send






it's 4 jade! wr0ng send nga ata..






Kamusta naman, bobing ka talaga






db kaw nagtxt n2?
->Im jade.. Ahm, kw po mismo nagbigay ng # nato skn. Nhulaan q kc ung # yta ng mama mu un... Pero last few m0nths pa un, cnxa na nabura q na kc ung # n nhulaan kya dq na mtndaan.



Hindi pa b obvious na hindi ako si jade?
Yang number m0 nakasave sa ph0neb0ok ko as "whore" ever since nalaman ko na lumalandi ka sa lalaking may asawa.
So cguro naman nagets m0 na kung sin0 t0ng na-"wrong send"-an mo?



kc nung time na ngtxt kc ung jade na un skn ang lumabas na name is 'FATYOSIGIRL' so it means kaw un, eh y kya jade ung pakilala nung ngtxt?




At least aminado akong mataba ako. Ikaw, maglalagay ng pic na kita tyan m0 pero lalagyan m0 ng pangalan m0?
AHAHAHAHAHAH!
Takpan mo din back fats m0! Hahahah!
Or wag na para pumayat ako, nakakawalang gana kumain pag nagpopost ka ng mga nakakasukang pics m0. Salamat ha! HAHAHAHAHAH!



So y ka nagttxt and pretending 2 b sumbody na friendly kun0? jade pala ha!
Ahehehe
c0mpare nman sa katawan m0 n0h!
regular mo tlga chnichek yung friendster q n0h!





*compares bodies*

*thinks* yeah no need for text to cover my tummy :P

At bobo ka rin pala "fatyosigirl" na pala ang lumabas na contact eh. At bkt pa ako magprepretend na ako kunyari si jade eh maiicp ko naman na alam m0 number ko n0h. D ako kcng bobo mo.




lagi m0 nlang tingnan pra mwalan ka ng gana kumain bka kht papan0 pumayat ka!






Ah helo? Un nga sinabi ko dba? Nagbabasa ka ba? Nagpapasalamat nga ako na i have ur vomit-inducing pics para pumayat ako dba?
And fyi, tinignan ko lang profile mo kc may nagsbe sakin na may balyena na feeling sexy na nagpopose sa pool! Eh ikaw pala un! Akalain mo! Ahahahahha!


So cno ung ngtxt gmit ung # m0 at nagpakilala na c jade daw xa?
hay naku..




Hay naku, since di m0 alam, kc bobo ka, na pag pareho ung last 7 digits ng cel num, narerecognize ng ph0ne un as the same number. Try mo. Pasalamat ka naman at nadagdagan ang laman ng katiting mong utak.



eh kung balyena aq an0 pang tawag sau!
well qng cn0 man ngsba sau na icheck ung friendster q thank you kam0 sa pagcheck nya!
pro cguro kht an0ng suka gwn mo hnd ka na papayat n0h!
sayang lng di m0 machek ung ibang picz lalo na ung private picz q!
bka di ka lng masuka, mparan0id ka pa!


Sa totoo lang di ko gets kung bakit magpopost pa ng pics tapos ipaprivate rin pala? Eh di parang knakahiya rin pala.
Lalo na ung mga taong di free-for-all ang profile, bkit ka pa nagfriendster kung itatago mo lang info mo?
I have no desire to see your private pics, bka maging malnourished nako. Enuf na ung back fats mo na mainspire ako WAG MAGING TULAD MO.


mas grabe nman ichura mo skn noh! aware naman me n 2maba tlga q n0h, pro di q nman hahayaan mging kcng TABA m0
at least skn back fats lang eh kaw lhat sau mataba!
xclusive lng kc ung profile q for my friends d un pnapakita sa mga 2lad m0 noh!
OLDFATYOSIGIRL.. Whaaaaaaaaaaa


*thinks* nyak ano yon, hindi proportional ang katawan, sa likod puro taba? mas yaaaaaaaaak ata yon





Haha, sa tingin mo affected ako na sabihan ako na mataba at matanda nako? Eh totoo naman yon ahahahah! I'm not delusional like you! Eh ikaw alam mo bng SLUTTY ka? Malamang hindi, kc bobo ka. DUMB AND SLUTTY. So unfortunate.
An0ng pagmamalaki mo? Yang "ganda" *wait muntik nako masuka* at "kaseksihan" *nasuka na tlaga ako* mo?
Ur parents must be so proud to have "pretty" yet DUMB and SLUTTY daughter.



im n0t affected as well sa mga cnsb mo.. u d0nt kn0w me!
masuka ka ng masuka hanggang isuka mo lhat ng TABA mo! and just 2 remind you wg mong isasama parents ko sa mga pangaasar m0 skn, sbhin m0 lhat ng gus2 m0ng sbhin bout me wg ka ng mandamay ng iba! nkakaawa ka lg kc ikaw na ata ung tao na paran0id bu0ng buhay m0.. hay naku mahirap yan!
PARANOIDFATYOSIGIRL!



>xclusive lng kc ung profile q for my friends d un pnapakita sa mga 2lad m0 noh!
OLDFATYOSIGIRL..
make that LUCKY OLDFATYOSIGIRL for being spared the agony of looking at your entire profile -- i myt have died laughing at ur delusions.
Oops, english yon, naintindihan m0? Kelangan ba i-wrong grammer ko para maintindihan m0?



Did I say anything bad abt ur parents? Remarking that they must be proud of you aint bad, dear, its the DUMB AND SLUTTY part that got to you.





hnd pdin mganda na cnasama m0 ung parents q sa mga pangaasar m0!
wla ka n bng ibang masabi?
aq super dmi pang pwdng masabi kya lng bka lalo ka lng mparan0id kya wg nlang!
st0p m0 n kc ung pagiging paranoid m0!



Wala akong sinabing masama regarding ur parents. Bka d mo lang naintindihan kc english ung words.
And it's not paranoia if it really happened.
Naiintindihan mo b words na ginagamit mo?



kht wla kang bad na cnsb di m0 cnasali sa pangaasar m0 ung parents q..
0o naiintindihan ko..
well kht wla nman nangyayari kung an02 yang mga naiicp mo noh!



Eh kitangkita naman kalandian mo, hindi na kelangan pagicpan un.





well d skn nanggalin ung idea na paranoid ka! hehehe well tingin ko 22o nga.. ilang yrs knbang ganyan? or lets just say ilang yrs ka pa mgging ganyan? hahaha




Well di rin sakin nanggaling ung idea na malandi ka. Consensus na un sa ofc nyo! :D
and ang slow m0, sinabi ng hindi paran0ia un kc totoo namang nangyayari. Gawd, kawawa naman nakukuha mong costumer sa work.



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And so she stopped.

And removed the "sexy back" *barf bag please* picture as her main pic in her Friendster profile.

Score! Ahahaha!

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But then, guess who she started texting again, just to up the ante of my so-called paranoia?

Using a different number, she introduced herself as Shey who was a kabarkada daw of one of Dar's officemates.

Sayang lang yang tikas m kung d ka mag gugudtym paminsan minsan.. Tska lam m sa itsura d aq naniniwla kay charm n may wifey kna n0h!




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Loves iwan m n yang asawa m0.. Kng mer0n man! Im here nmn to fiL up d thngs to make you m0re happy.




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MahaL ko!






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Bheybi! Kmain kna? Eat kna ha, lam q nmang gs2 m rin aq. [What da eff? May connection?!?] Bka d kalang makap0rma bka kc nga may j0wa kna or asawa or bka busy ka kc mas gs2 m hmashmasin c chuby



Kesimple-simple ng spelling ng "baby", pinajologs pa nya.






Kamusta naman yon? Ahahahahaha.







I'L w8 for you @ the office.. See yah later..






O kala ko ba kabarkada ni Charm tapos biglang "see you at the office"?







Kamusta naman yon? Ahahahahaha.






I miss YOU kya mya pagmamasdan kta..






Dar, baka matunaw ka mamaya ha.







Ang hirap talaga maging guwapo.







Ay hindi nako natutuwa.







*hug* You're my fat yosi girl naman eh. Love pa rin kita kahit mataba ka.






*blush*






YONNAAAAMAAAAAAAAN!!!!!111111




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Storytelling format was heavily inspired by this post. Ahlavet.

Kamusta naman yon?

YONAMAN!

Ahahahahaha.

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Please lang, I think it will take more than *that* to make me paranoid.

I think it may be that my husband can't just admit to himself that he *gasped* flirted *barf bag please!* with that kind of girl.

Eeeeew naman kasi talaga eh!

Or that it was just really the girl going after him, because he has better taste than that (I really effing hope so).

Eeeeew kasi talaga siya!

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And so, discuss dear readers :P