What is the issue?

I think I have to explain myself as I am going to make an important decision based on what will and will not happen today.

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It is basically the difference with the way D treats me, the wife, and the friends (boys and girls alike).

Of course, you'd say, siyempre iba talaga, ikaw ang asawa, ikaw ang angat.

Um, well, no.

I thought it'd be best to show you a small table of comparison of how D is with me, as opposed to how Dar is with his friends (boys and girls alike).
MeThem
Whenever I ask him to go out, it should always be just around the corner, specifically Blue Wave or Robinson's Metro East or Sta. Lucia. Eastwood is an option. Ortigas is an option only if there's going to be something that has to be bought that is not available in the previous malls mentioned. Makati is out of the question. Cubao is too masikip. Anywhere is fine. Kahit sa Makati pa yan or San Mateo or sa Cubao, walang problema.
We have to be back as soon as possible so he can play WoW - dailies, BG, arena, whatever it is that is scheduled for that day.Anytime is fine. Going home early was never an option.
He's usually bored when he's with me. In Boracay, he didn't even made tampisaw sa tubig! He'd rather watch NBA while I sunbathe. I don't think he enjoys my company anymore.In Galera with his friends, kita naman sa pictures, and based sa kwento, walang takot sa tubig. Definitely enjoys the company of his officemates more than mine.
I have to be the one to text or email him. [These kinds of communication is very important to me as I hardly see him] Replies monosyllabically, if he replies at all. Doesn't ask or is not concerned about my whereabouts.With the girls, it's an actual conversation over text. With *mwah* pa talaga. And asking them if they're home na (if di siguro niya naihatid). Take note that he's with these people more than half of the day already.
Doesn't have time to make kuwento or listen to my kuwento. Tunes out when I try to talk to him while he's playing WoW or Wii or while he's driving (wala na kasing ibang opportunity eh). Doesn't believe in quality time with me, period.Well, he's with the friends (boys and girls) most of the time, so I'd think they have a lot of kuwentos to tell to each other. Oh and of course, meron pang YM conversations or Gtalk conversations. San ka pa diba, lagi mo na kasama sa office, pati kahit nasa bahay sila pa rin ang kausap or kalaro?
Hatid and sundo are conditional - kung hindi coding, kung hindi inaantok, kung hindi naglalaro. Kahit sabihin na umaambon/umuulan na. Magtaxi na lang daw ako. I've needed a ride home from the airport twice already, and both times he was at home, and both times I came home riding a taxi.Even if it's out of the way, even if I know those guys and girls (mostly girls syempre) know how to commute or get a cab, he's willing to pick them up for a gimik. Or take them home after a trip to the mall (kahit na ako eh nasa same area lang pero ako ang pinagcommute pauwi). Oh, and he has picked up a friend from the airport, mind you.
Malambing only when he needs something from me, or I need to do something for him. Other than that, deadma. I feel emotionally and physically distant from him.YM conversations (I've seen some) or emails (I've seen one) with the special girls are malambing. What more pa kaya when they're together noh? At, kung magpapicture ha with the "special" girls, dikit talaga
During the few precious times that I can actually converse with him, and I tell him about some movie, or new song, or some stuff that I find interesting, he's usually deadma about it. He's not interested or he doesn't even try to muster interest by checking out the movie or the song or the stuff I'm talking about.Okay, movies. When an officemate of his will suggest that he watch a certain movie, he watches it. Even though I've mentioned that movie already. Or when he saw that a girl's favorite movie was Serendipity, aba, may-I-Google agad siya. With songs, I asked him to listen to Alicia Keys' Like You'll Never See Me Again -- deads. A girl mentioned a song by Jordin Sparks, he downloaded the whole album -- na-curious daw kasi siya. Stuff -- one time, I brought home a microbead pillow and showed it to him, and syempre deads sya. And then come December, he bought home a microbead pillow to be washed -- pinabili sa isang girl after he saw that she has one, too. This was after I showed him na the microbead pillow I bought.


And in addition to that:

  • a pathological liar when I ask him where he is, and who is with him. His excuse is that because I will get mad if I find out where he is and who is with him. So he knows I will get mad already, so why do it in the first place?
    • Twice he said he was going to be at work, when in fact he was not. First time was when we were supposed to go to Tagaytay after his shift at work, which kinda got me worried, because he might be too tired na. But then he didn't go to work pala, but was at Xaymaca the whole time. So he was going to drive us to Tagaytay na may hang-over? And the second time last New Year's Eve, when he said his shift was from 7pm - 4am, when in fact his shift didn't change at all naman pala, it was 2pm - 11pm lang talaga. So he didn't spend New Year's Eve with us, kasi may work daw siya, even though puede naman kasi kasinungalingan lang pala yung sched na yon. [and no, I don't know for sure where he was that night]
  • And in relation to that, choosing friends over Darice
    • Because he chose to be with whoever last New Year, instead of being with Darice man lang diba? Kahit hindi ako yung inisip niya, sana man lang anak niya diba?
    • And there was one incident, when I asked him to go home agad because pinag-absent ko si Darice kasi kakagaling lang sa sakit. When he said he was not going home pa because he had to accompany a friend for something, I got pissed off at D and contacted his friend to ask if puede next time na lang siya magpasama. D got pissed off because of that, and because he is a child, instead of going home agad, he went home around 9pm. Naunahan ko pa siya.
  • His reputation in the office as a ladies' man -- di ko talaga kaya! Why would he let people think that's he's like that if it's not true! I mean that reputation is not entirely against him, it's mostly against me. And can't he see that nababastos ako sa reputation niyang yon, kahit hindi totoo (as he claims)?


And what really pisses me off here is that with all that listed above, PINOBROBLEMA KO LANG DAW KASI ANG HINDI DAPAT PROBLEMAHIN.

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The hardest part about this is I never thought it would go as bad as this.

Because he was not like that during our first two years together.

This was the person who willingly accompanied me home in QC, then go home to Antipolo. Commute ha, as in jeep, trike, bus, FX, whatever. Public transportation talaga, wala siyang sasakyan then.

And then he'll call me up when he gets home, and we'll talk for hours pa, even if we just spent the whole day together.

Oh and the time we spent together, and how we spent them. Arcade, mall, swimming pool, movies, just pigging out at KFC. I know, I felt, that he enjoyed being with me, doing these things with me.

And he has wowed me with his sweetness and thoughtfulness. There were two incidents that I clearly remember: taking me out for a movie (Blade II) because I was feeling bad about something (forgot what it was), and another time when he gave me roses just to cheer me up.

I mean how can you go from that... to what we have now?

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Bottom line, final analysis:

Hindi na kami ni Darice ang gusto niya makasama.

Hindi na ako ang gusto niyang makausap.

Hindi na ako ang gusto niya.

Coz I believe that there was that time in our almost 10 years together that he wanted me. Maybe it was just for sex, but it was me he wanted, me he wanted to be with, me he wanted to spend time with.

And with his actions for the past two years, being with other people who are single and still has their life ahead of them, he got a taste of what it was like to be single and still having his life ahead of him.

And that was the decision he had to make tonight.

He always says that he wants to be with us, his family. But his actions have always contradicted that statement of his.

And so he had to make it consistent.

He has to change his actions and show us that he really wants to be with us. And to outline how he's going to show me that he's committed to being a father and husband. I need that outline because I cannot go on living on empty promises anymore. And we need to agree on what's a good husband or a good father.

Or tell me, honestly, that he doesn't want to be with us anymore. With no hard feelings, I will be able to accept that statement... because he has been telling me that thru his actions for the two past years already.

He has up to tonight to decide on this.

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And so, D-day is today, tonight. I will tell him everything I've written here.

And if he doesn't come up with an answer, Darice and I moving out is the default decision.

Because if he isn't man enough to tell me the truth, or commit to being a father and a husband, then he doesn't deserve us.

14 comments

  1. Here's a cyber pat on your back (kaya mo yan!). I know we don't know each other and I was just "introduced" to your blog by haze (because of somehow a similar situation:D).

    Anyway, I also made my hubby choose last year. He has to choose between making it a priority to fixing our relationship or we live our separate lives (So far so good). Syempre hinanda ko na sarili ko with whatever he choose to do. Mahirap but we have to do something as drastic as this, para sa sarili natin. Diba sabi nila, you’d only know how valuable a person/thing is pag wala na sa yo, malay mo D would realize how important you guys are to him, yun nga lang he has to learn the hard way. But don’t expect na mangyayari cause it might not happen and will just hurt you more.

    Blabbing here, so good luck! I hope he makes the right choice. And if he ever chooses to live separately then always remember that it’s his loss.

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  2. i just want him to make the choice na kaya nyang panindigan at yung ikasasaya nya :)

    thanks mEldita :)

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  3. Nette9:48 PM

    i'm praying for you. may god give you strength. god bless.

    *hug*

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  4. abi... salamat :D *mwah*

    nette, thanks too :)

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  5. hay, girl. *hugs* yakap nalang kita. be strong and firm. alam ko naman na you know what kind of marriage you want to have, and what kind of family life you want your child to have. otherwise you wouldn't be writing these things. you take care. andiyan lang ako sa gtalk if you need a semi-stranger to talk to. ;-)

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  6. isabelle10:26 AM

    i remember the time i was in the same boat as u are now....i was waiting for him to decide and to tell it to me straight whats the real score. syempre, he didnt do it...and i dont think they have the guts (or the balls) to say the words. so i had to make a decision and leave. and that was the best decision ever.

    "...but when the strong was too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave."

    hang in there girl. :)

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  7. pao salamat :D shy lang talaga ako minsan kaya di ako nagpaparamdam sa gtalk... nakikita kita pag online ka eh :)

    isabelle, i like your quote :D san galing yon? :)

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  8. isabelle10:08 AM

    shelley, i got it from kundera's unbearable lightness of being. nice book. :)

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  9. i've been trying to finish that book pero hanggang ngayon, nangangalahati pa lang rin ako, hehehe.

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  10. *hugs* to you, be strong.

    hindi naman sa panggagatong ha, pero i think he deserves you leaving him, para lang ma realize niya na ang laking kawalan sa buhay niya kayo.

    but then if he continues to be that way, na deadma kayo at mas importante pa ang friends, then leaving him would be the best decision you made.

    we may not have the same situation, pero more or less, friends din ang naging reason ng pagaaway namin ni hubby. pero we worked things out. compromise lang naman yan eh. but based on the table you made, nakakabastos yung mga ginagawa niya sa iyo.

    i know you're strong at kaya mo yan. hindi lang siya ang may mga kaibigan. =)

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  11. thanks haze :)

    yes, i have a great support system from all over -- sa office, sa pamilya ko, at syempre dito sa blog ko :)

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  12. Anonymous2:27 PM

    nakakainis at nakakaiyak at the same time.. i mean you planned your life ahead by simply saying "I do" then after a few years, the commitment is no longer the top priority.

    You don't deserve him. I mean maybe I'm too pakialamera to say it but you don't deserve to be treated that way. You are a very beautiful, smart, and confident woman. You deserve to be treated differently. You deserved to be loved. Same thing with Darice. She needs a father who will be man enough to protect her and guide her.

    It still disappoints me that D can throw away everything like that.. Haaay..

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  13. It still disappoints me that D can throw away everything like that.. Haaay..

    Yep, me too. I expected him to be a better person really.

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