What do you do?

He lied, telling you he was at a mall with a guy officemate (who you verified, thru your wide network of contacts, was sleeping -- and you only checked because YOU KNOW that guilty voice and YOU KNOW those suspicious actions a few hours ago), when in fact he was with the girl he was rumored to be charming in the office.

I could've dealt with that. I've always dealt with that.

But what if, on New Year's Eve, he told you that his shift was from 7pm - 4am, and so that you and his daughter won't be alone, he sent you to your mother's house, and agreed to pick you up after his shift. Suspicious already because his shift was really from 2pm - 11pm. And after 11pm, he didn't respond to your emails and text messages already. So you asked if he was really in the office (giving him a chance to tell you the truth, because you know, it's better to start off the year being truthful), and he said yes of course I was in the office.

And because of the lie regarding the officemate, and since he could lie so blatantly already, you think, maybe he lied about his New Year's Eve shift too?

So you call his office -- and find out he checked in at 6pm and logged out at 11pm.

Isn't it the last straw? Isn't it not about the girl anymore? Isn't it about CHOOSING TO NOT SPEND the first day of the year with your wife and your daughter? Wherever he may have went, whatever he might have done, the bottom line is: HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.

So what do you do?

You get ready. You plan carefully. You will not do this hastily as you did before, then suffering a nervous breakdown and then calling him up to pick you up and your daughter again.

You will pack your clothes, bringing only what is necessary (and no, that dress will never ever fit you again so leave that). You will pack your "digital" stuff too, securing a hard drive for all your files (leave the p0rn). You will pack your books, your vintage cassette tapes, DVDs, arts & crafts materials (paper, cloth and other knick-knacks), your accessories (better leave those really old beaded necklaces), into those plastic containers you just bought two days ago.

You will give him his freedom. He has longed for it for too long, unable to express it in words, yet it shows in his every action. He is having a hard time being the man that you want him to be, the man you've been teaching him how to be. Obviously, he doesn't want to be that man, and apparently, you can't teach him to be that man.

So every time you'll hold him, you'll hold him like it's the last time. Every time you'll kiss him, you'll kiss him like you'll never see him again. Every time you touch him, you will touch him like it's the last time.

You will promise that you'll love him... but he will never see you again.

---

Yes, the last lines are inspired by Alicia Key's "Like You'll Never See Me Again".

14 comments

  1. if i had not read ur past entries, i would think u were just joking or telling a story of somebody else....this is just sad :)

    "this too shall pass"

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  2. i'm hugging you right now shelley.

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  3. @isabelle, thanks. i do hope it passes quickly though.

    @drei, amishu na tuloy!!!! :(((

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  4. Ouch. I mean, what was he thinking? No one, and by no one I mean good people like you, deserves to be treated that way. Damn! I repeat: Damn!

    So what do you do?

    In times like this, only one thing comes to mind: MURDER!!!1111 :-X

    Anyhoo, I'm back! But I kind of like, moved! So, um, yeah, miltia.blogspot.com is history! Here's my new URL: talamascaisms.blogspot.com

    See ya around!

    Oh, and don't forget: what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down. - Karma by Alicia Keys lawwwwlll!!! ;-p

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  5. talamasca, will update my links :D

    re karma, yeah i know, i hope it bites him hard on the ass!

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  6. oh shelly. :( i don't know what to say except that i'm here for you if you need a (not-so-complete) stranger to talk to.

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  7. nakidaan. nakitambay. nakiyosi.

    rakenrol.

    man, i wish i can have a decent comment on this post, but i do suck at relationships..

    i wish good luck na lang..

    peace!

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  8. oh, btw.. i noticed dun sa dec. 24 post mo na ur from soluziona (furiouSZ party).. i'm from soluziona too!

    rakenrol.

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  9. haha mikko, that's how i ended up sa blog mo kanina.

    because of my sitemeter kasi... i saw sa log that somebody landed on my blog because the person searched for "soluziona peyups", and so i checked out the google query na rin, and then nakita ko blog mo sa search results. so there!

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  10. @pao *sigh* wala na akong ibang masabi kundi *sigh* as of now :(

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  11. Anonymous5:02 PM

    Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while now. I kind of relate kasi my husband also has a roving eye. I know that no words can comfort you right now but I just want you to know I'm praying for you and your daughter. Hopefully things work out. Hugs!!

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  12. anonymous, i'm praying for that too :) thanks for the visit and prayers too.

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  13. Anonymous4:35 PM

    i really think no one can tell you what to do when it comes to matters of marriage (note: i did not say the heart as this might be a separate thing). if you choose to stay after your partner has betrayed your trust, i think it's useful if you are BOTH genuinely willing to work on what was damaged. But if only one of you is working, and wishing, and hoping, and praying (yes, sounds like the song), then i think you should ask yourself if it's worth it to stay. after all, wouldn't you want more than to just be tolerated? i truly think that if the situation has deteriorated to the point that yours appears to be, then taking the difficult path is the way to go. Living by yourself, taking care of your kids, and not having to deal with the trauma and stress of infidelity, imagined or proven, in the long run may be the healthier life. no matter what you decide though, be strong. believe in yourself. and don't forget to love yourself too.

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  14. i think you should ask yourself if it's worth it to stay.

    yes, that's what i've been asking myself for the past weeks.

    i need more time to think, though, as to the best way to deal with what has happened. although it may seem that "what the hell is there to think about?!? look at what he did?!?", i'm more of "what the fuck happened?!? he wasn't perfect before but he wasn't that bad!".

    of course, with our history, and our kid, there are more factors to consider, and more futures at stake.

    the only problem with this is, iniisip rin ba niya 'to?

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